Healing doesn't mean an end of disease or illness; true healing takes place when we find peace within ourselves no matter our outer life circumstances

As a teenager I had a fascination with vampires.  For my sixteenth birthday my parents gifted me a beautiful hard bound copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula and there were many movies of that genre doing the rounds in the cinema.  The idea of the charismatic gentleman, alluring and enticing; making promises that draw you in before sinking their fangs into your life force and draining you of power and life is a dramatic metaphor for some of the relationships or situations we find ourselves in, over the course of our lives.  And yet the comparison is apt.

I remember hearing the term "energy vampire" when I first began training in Reiki energy healing 12 years ago now.  It was a term that stuck in my mind because of my fascination with the subject.   Energy Vampires are people, situations or circumstances that occur in our lives that appear wonderful on the outside but leave us feeling drained and exhausted physically, mentally or emotionally. 

It can be hard to identify an energy vampire before they strike but there are some signs to be aware of.  People who I would term as energy vampires tend to either consciously or unconsciously identify something in you that they feel they are lacking in themselves and while they appear friendly and affable on the surface, they have a drive to possess this "gift" for themselves.

You may identify people you currently know or have known with some of the traits below:

>> They are drawn to you for your power.  They may seem to constantly refer to a trait, talent or ability that they admire about you.  Something that they believe is lacking in themselves.  While receiving compliments is always nice, there is something about the remarks that may make you feel slightly uncomfortable, or the constant repetition of admiration; as though they envy you rather than admire you.

>> They  overstep your boundaries, or simply try too much too soon.  There is a constant need or drive for them to be with you, to be around you or to connect with you.  They may be someone you have just met or connected with and suddenly they are behaving as though you are best friends.

>> They begin to drain your time by showing up uninvited, lengthy phone calls about nothing in particular or they are constantly in need of help from you.

>> They drain your energy as they want your opinion, your advice, they need a little help, a lot of the time and yet they do little or nothing to help themselves or fail to take your advice or take action to resolve the issues they complain or worry you about.

>> They do all the talking, or they don't listen to what you say to them.  If they do appear to listen, they don't really "hear you" and take little of what you say on board.

So what can you do if you identify someone in your life, in your circle of friends or colleagues as an energy vampire? 

How do you protect your energy and focus from being drained by their constant need to possess you time, focus and energy?

1. Take Back your Power.
   
   Recognise that they can only drain you of time, focus or energy if you give them permission.  By responding to them or giving them your attention you are enabling them.  You decide if you want them around and if so, when and if you engage with them.
   
   
2. Set Boundaries.
   
   If they are dropping by, phoning or showing up at times that don't suit you or a little too often for your liking then nip it in the bud.  Don't invite them in if they call.  Let the call go to voicemail.  Advise them to call or arrange a time before dropping by.  Make yourself unavailable until they learn to respect your boundaries, your time and your environment.
   
   
   
3. Learn to say No if necessary.
   
   We can be so afraid of offending others by saying this little word.  However, think of the times that someone did not give you a straight answer and left you hanging.  I'm sure you would have preferred honestly up front.  My sister is brilliant at saying no.  If asked a direct question she does not hesitate to say no, without apology or excuse if that is what she means.  You are not offending someone by giving them a direct answer.
   
   
   
4. Be straight but kind.
   
   When someone is consistenly overstepping your boundaries, disrespecting your time, showing up uninvited or missing all your hints and clues you must use straight talking language with them.  If they aren't getting your hints, they never will, no matter how many times you try to work around what you're trying to say.  Say what you mean, mean what you say.  You don't need to be rude, but you do need to get straight to the point and use clear direct language that leaves no doubt about what you mean.
   
   
   
5. Don't talk in riddles or metaphor or try to hint - they don't get it or won't believe you mean it about them.
   
   If you've tried to drop a hint of two and it's not getting the desired response it's likely that they don't realise you're talking about them.  Again see point four above say what you mean, you don't need to be rude but you do need to be direct and clear. 
   
   If you don't you may find yourself getting so frustrated that everything you want to say will come gushing out unfiltered and then you find yourself apologising - leaving you right back at point one - powerless.
   
   
   
6. Start to limit your interaction.
   
   If all else fails, limit the time you spend with these people in your life.  If you have been clear in your communication and you still find they are showing up or failing to respect the boundaries you place upon your interaction, then limit the time you spend in their company.
   
   
   
7. Shield your energy.
   
   In the horror movies you might wear a garlic necklace or a crucifix, however, I've found a simple energy shield can be quite effective to help us feel safe from energy vampires when we must be in their company.  See my previous blog post on using energy sheilds here.

If you've identified an energy vampire in your life try the above steps to protect yourself and see if it helps you to reclaim your power and stop yourself from feeling drained mentally and emotionally.  Generally, those we identify as such are harmless except for the feelings they induce within us. 

However, if left unresolved over time the constant drain on our energy without taking steps and measures to protect ourselves can lead us to physical or mental and emotional ill health. 

Taking steps towards protecting our energy and making time for ourselves and our self care are usually enough to keep the energy of others from having a negative impact upon us. 

Warmest wishes,

Emily xo

P.S.  If you find the above steps don't solve the problem; you may need to consider going a step further and learning to work with your own energy to deal with the impact that another's energy is having on you.  I'm happy to chat with you about what steps you can take to accomplish this.  Let me help you to prioritize yourself and put your self care top of your to-do list.  Schedule a self care support call with me today.